Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish i was in the wii world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize