Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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