The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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