Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
