Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
