At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All the doctor said was why
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
