I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
