Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
