dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
