I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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