I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
