U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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