I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
