I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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