Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
