My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
