The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize