I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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