Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
