hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
