haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
