why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
