there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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