Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
