glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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