It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
