A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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