does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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