dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Found the puke drawer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
