haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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