We won't sleep together?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
