Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize