I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am spending my child support on dildos
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
