i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
