omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
