I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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