when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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