Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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