We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
