I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize