FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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