Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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