I just gift wrapped bread.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
