just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
