paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
