my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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