What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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