I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
