I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
