i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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