i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
