I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize