he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
