Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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