We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
