apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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