i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
