Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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