Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
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