We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
