And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
