how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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