She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
