so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
