did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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