I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
being pregnant is like rehab
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
