i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
