i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
