you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
