I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
