Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
