dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize