Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
