how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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