a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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