Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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