She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
